Life is all about balance. Finding your balance each day is a challenge, but not impossible, at least not some days. There was an interesting article in the New York Times which brings this to mind. (I'm really not just babbling, although I do enjoy it sometimes.)
The article is titled "Close Encounters With a Home Barely Known," and it talks about adding items to your house from the birth country of your child. This is not a difficult concept for us. We like to travel, we like to buy art and tchotchkes to bring home with us, and we like to have them in the house to remind us of the places we've been. (Does tchotchkes sound better than tacky souveniers?) We have the ugliest little ceramic "statue" of some owls that our friends bought for us as an amusing Welcome to Bangladesh gift. But the owls are out, because they are a reminder of a really great trip, and also because they are so ugly they bring a smile to my face every time I see them.
I am really excited to go shopping in China. I've already decided to try to think of what I might want and make a list so that we are not shopping totally randomly. I love textiles and paintings, and I know we will buy those. I am looking forward to adding China into our fledgling International mix of stuff at the house.
The article does make a couple of good points. Don't put all of the Chinese stuff in your child's room and leave the rest of the house untouched. Don't overdo it--you aren't a Chinese family, so you don't need to pretend to be one. (Thank heavens for that. How many Chinese people live in log cabins?) Don't put all of the stuff away the second your child goes to college--embrace the culture and cultural identity as a large part of your life, as well as the life of your child.
I like the following quote a lot:
Finding the right balance of Chinese and American and who knows what else will not be trivial. I think the line will shift over time and through the various stages of our daughter's life. But the right balance will also be another piece in the puzzle for our child, helping her to understand and love all of the cultures in her life. There's just one last thing that concerns me. The last line of the article is truly upsetting:
Last night I went to my FCC's chapter of Mom's Night Out. There were about 25 women in attendance, the majority had daughters between 6 and 8. the meeting got me thinking about culture.
It's a wonderful resource for me to have (the women). They are my unassigned mentors, I'm learning so much. So of it can be painful to hear, as their daughters are at the age when fitting in with their peers, name calling, grief and the recognition of difference in general is becoming part of their worlds. However, these women are constantly searching for reources to give their daughters to tools to deal with society as well their identity. I know it's a bit in advance, but there is a workbook for children called WISE. You might want to flip through it (I have) as it is very good.
There is also a woman (social worker?) who specializes in transracial adoptions-- she works with both the children and parents in workshops. She travels the country and comes to our FCC meeting once a year. Her name is Jane Brown and the women at this meeting spoke highly of her.
There is also a group that have travel groups to Chinafor mothers & daughters. I think the girls have to be at least 10 years old. (I can't recall the name right now, but it focuses on culture.)
There is a story I read on APC (are you on that listserve?) where a Korean adoptee (when she became 11 or 12) told her parents to get all the "Korean crap" out of her room. Apparently, her parents just put the Korean stuff in her bedroom, rather than the entire house. So, I agree, there is a balance and the thing is, the balance shifts around depending on her personality and development. It's tricky.
I think having children of a different race makes us more aware of culture, whereas I grew up with no culture (other than American). We didn't speak german or eat german dishes. We didn't have German stuff in our house. My dad did drink a lot of beer, but it wasn't due to our hertiage!
Posted by: Marla at July 24, 2004 6:12 PMThat was a really good article, I agree. I took it home for my husband and my mom to read. I think, if anything, we are in danger of becoming "too Chinese" -- we are so excited to welcome not just our daughter but her culture as well, to celebrate Moon Festival and Chinese New Year and buy Asian art and doo-dads and surround her with the familiar. We can't forget in all that to just let her be an American kid, too. There's a fine line between celebrating her heritage and using it to set her apart. I suppose it will just be an on-going project and we will let her guide us in which side of the Chinese-American hyphen we will be on on any particular day.
I agree, though. It will be the Britney Spears/Olsen twins/skinny non-threatening singer bois that will be the worst of it!
Posted by: Jen at July 27, 2004 11:40 AM