Sometimes I ask myself, "Why China?" It's a pertinent question, and one that I think was asked in the home study, if I remember correctly. The reason I ask myself this question is because I really don't remember making the decision at any specific point.
Here we are, two new parents, totally sleep deprived and very traumatized by the labor and delivery. E. had nothing on us.
K: So I don't think E. should be an only child.
A: Me either. I think only children tend to be lonely. I think he should have at least one sibling.
[Relatively comfortable silence]
A: By they way, don't look at me even for a second. That pregnancy, labor and delivery was a bit much, and I'm not doing it again, ever.
K: I wasn't looking at you, I wouldn't ask you to do that again, and if you said you wanted to I'd fight you on it. Why don't we just adopt?
A: Ok. China?
K: Ok.
So I wonder what it is that draws me to our daughter in China. I have always felt an admiration for the Chinese people and culture. But that's not to say I don't admire the peoples and cultures of other international places. I do.
I do know that there is less of an incidence of pregnant woman using drugs and having STDs in China. The system is complicated, but once you get through the home study I think pretty much a sure thing. The orphanages seems less terrible than they are in some other places, although I think they are still pretty terrible.
I don't know what the stock answers are to this question, if they exist, so that isn't helping me at all.
I do have a particular fondness for rice. In one of the adoption books I read, the woman tells how everyone in their group was so tired of rice by the end of the trip. They ended up going out for "American food" as I recall and everyone was so relieved and happy. (I am not in any way disparaging this book. It was a really good book and the author was really honest about everything, including the rice incident. I enjoyed the book very much.) But I do remember thinking, "Tired of rice??? How can that be?"
An Aside: As a person who has eaten "pizza" in Bangladesh, I know what "American" food abroad is like. You have to be really desperate to eat it and enjoy it. You can ask my cousin about the authentic pizza in Bangladesh, and how desperate she was to have it, and how g-o-o-d it was...
In retrospect, it just doesn't seem like it was ever a decision, at least consciously. We just kind of knew that we wanted to adopt, knew that we wanted a daughter, and then it was just China. At the very least I am very much looking forward to the 2 weeks of rice.
Posted by grrlTravels at July 21, 2004 9:31 PMWe orginally selected Korea (great medical care, foster family, oldest & most stable program, we met their srtict requirement and you would receive a child 6 mos. or younger.)
But then, the only agency we were allowed to use (Korea is strict about this, too) told us we had to be "done" with trying to have a baby. Done as in forever done. Well, we weren't ready to give up that dream (although it wasn't likely).
So I said to my husband, how about China? I knew that there were girls in orphanges and their one-child policy.
I think that I some ways it'll be a little easier to explain why the were given up for adoption. The girls will have a reference of a geopolitical landscape when trying to deal with their loss. It's also a common deminator with other adopted girls that live in the states. I hope they would feel some solidarity and less alone. Karin Evans in "Lost Daughters" writes about how they might rise up together one day when they are older and protest in their country of birth.
I'm so glad we selected China. There is a large active community where I live of parents with adopted children from China.
Anyways, it is interesting how we come to making such a vital decision.
Posted by: Marla at July 22, 2004 4:49 PMMy 4th paragraph I was speaking in reference to China (not all adopted girls!)
Posted by: marla at July 22, 2004 4:52 PMDon't get your hopes up about the rice! When I was traveling in China, I spent the whole three weeks TRYING to get rice. We ordered rice in every restaurant (in Chinese!) and never recieved it. It was explained to me that rice is what you use to fill your stomach if the amount of food you are served is not enough. So it is kind of an insult to order/ask for rice. It implies there is not enough food, which is a major insult to a Chinese host.
Of course, my trip was not an adoption trip and we were in an area with very little Western influence. I have heard that adoption trips involve a lot of buffet style meals, so maybe you can get your rice there.
Posted by: Short North Mama at July 23, 2004 12:29 PM