grrlTravels

When The GMen Knock On Your Door

I don't know how many of you have been in a situation where you believe yourself to be entirely innocent to the best of your knowledge but still anxiety ridden in the face of law enforcement types, but it's not a pretty scene.

This afternoon E. and I were diddling around waiting for K. to come home from work. I was just about to wander into the kitchen to start thinking about dinner when I noticed that there was the top of someone's head at my front door, and then I heard a knocking sound. "What good timing," I thought to myself in that dopey way I have when disaster is about to strike and I am worrying about whether serving chicken flavored rice with pork chops is ok, or really just too tacky, "I was just walking out to the kitchen and someone knocked at the door at precisely that moment. How often does that happen?" Psychic I am not.

So I answer the door and a man introduces himself as Special Agent Somethingorother from the United States Treasury, Internal Revenue Service and this is Special Agent OhmysweetlordIamnotregisteringwordsanymore and is K. at home because we would very much like to speak with him. And so I immediately get very, very nervous and try to act casual at the same time. Only my voice is high and squeaky and I definitely look like I am wishing that the floor would just open up and I could drop right into the termite infested crawlspace under the house because what in the heck is going on here?

You see K. and I have our own company. It's a small company with about 10 employees and we really appreciate the freedom and flexibility it gives us. We also do not cheat on our taxes. Cheating is for gainfully employed persons who will not lose everything when the IRS comes knocking. Which I thought would be never, but turned out to be today.

The IRS guys let me squirm around for a good long time before they finally say, "K. is not in any trouble. We are from Virginia and just happen to be in the area and we just want to talk to him." Well, my parents and sister live in Virginia, and now I am slightly relieved but also panicstricken that one of my nearest and dearest is somehow in trouble with the law. More squirming from me, while we call K. and I try to sound desperately like everything is ok while the world is still falling down around me and my heart beating in my ears sounds remarkably like being in one of those stores in the mall with the Very Pronounced Fake But Realistic Nature Sounds.

K: (answering the phone in mid conversation) ...sorry I didn't call you back but I wa...
Me: (not caring in the least what he is talking about) EverthingisreallyfinehereandtherearesomeverynicemenfromtheIRSwhowanttotalktoyou (small gasp) buteverythingisfineandhereisaspecialagentpleasedontputmeorKinjail
K: What?!???!!
Me: (just managing not to cry) YouneedtotalktothisguyRIGHTNOWANDFIXTHIS

I hear Special Agent MrNiceGuy say to K that he isn't in trouble and really they are so sorry for bothering us but they really need to talk to him about J., a former client of ours.

And then my heart started beating again and the birds started singing and I felt a great affection for all mankind including the IRS who are just normal people trying to prevent fraud and all sorts of other nasty things and just doing the best they can in a country where most people loathe them on site.

The End.

Posted by grrlTravels at August 30, 2004 3:29 PM