grrlTravels

Pardon me? I don't think I heard you correctly

Adopting from China is pretty straightforward. Once you understand the peculiarities of the paperchase process, you do your paperwork, you submit it, and then you wait and wait and wait. I was fully expecting to have another whole year to myself with E., time to get ready mentally and physically (as in, where will both of the children sleep? How do I make formula? Should we get shots before we go to China?), time to read and reflect, time to buy some good girly stuff.

Oh yeah, we did apply to the Waiting Children Program, wherein you are matched in a different way (not by the Chinese government) with adoptable children who have medical issues. But I had myself pretty convinced that we wouldn't be matched within the time it would take us to go through the regular adoption process, and so we would go the regular route and get our baby girl. In about a year from now.

That was, until today. Oh be still my beating heart. Today the director of the program called to offer us a file to look at. She told me the particulars about this child. And I started panicking. I didn't expect to, but I did. Because you see, I'm not ready for this yet. My baby is still supposed to be percolating in her mother's tummy, and I really shouldn't be invited to meet her for about 8-9 more months at the earliest. And you see, I don't feel ready mentally or physically yet, and this really just came at us out of left field and I can't think what to do with it!

Now I know what it is like when you adopt in some other ways, especially domestically, and you get the call that there is a baby and that baby belongs to you. My sister and BIL were in England when they got the call for their first, and they really truly weren't ready as it came as a complete surprise and so they rushed home to meet their son. And buy a crib and some diapers.

Since I already have one child, I didn't expect to have those panicky leaving-the-hospital-but-I'm-not-really-prepared-for-all-of-this- and-what-if-I-drop-him-or-forget-to-feed-him-or-something-worse-than-that feelings. I thought you only got those once, and then after that you were a pro and nothing, but nothing, could throw you for a loop.

It turns out I'm still playing in the minor leagues, I'm destined to be dumbfounded every time I hear that a child is to join our family, and nothing ever does go according to plan, so why plan?

This child does not meet our criteria exactly. It is not the medical condition that concerns us, because that is fine. She is just much older than we had planned on, older than E., which we didn't really want. So I don't know what we will do. I just know that I am shocked right out of my shoes.

Happy Labor Day weekend!

Posted by grrlTravels at September 3, 2004 4:42 PM