Amy Undertakes Retail Therapy
I love cards. I think I singlehandedly keep several card shops in the area in business. I mean, with the Internet and email who really takes the time to send real mail any more? I probably don't write letters like I should, but I never just sign a card to send it--I find that rude. I always find something to write for a message, even if it's only a line or two.
So when someone in your family dies, it turns out that there are lots of cards to write. Thank you for this, thank you for that, thank you for loving my mother is what it mostly comes down to. I got out all of my thank you notes, but felt like some people deserved a "real" card bought at the card store. I didn't have the energy to go to the "good card store" so I went to the local Hallmark store.
I picked out quite a few cards. As I said, there are a lot of people to thank. Also, I was shopping without E., and for all of you moms who are out there and who have attempted to purchase a card with a toddler along, you know how excited I was to be in the card store alone. With time to actually read the cards. Wow. I even bought some cards for later, which I have no plans to send to anyone in particular. I was just browsing for the sake of browsing. Oh yes, I was enjoying those cards, even in Hallmark.
Well, even an avid card reader and sender is sometimes non-plussed when in Hallmark. I understand that their main source of revenue is cards, and that at $2-$3 a pop, they are undertaking a volume business. But still.
Amy Becomes Confused and Forgets Her Principles
I was perusing the Halloween cards to purchase one for my niece and nephew. I was already having some qualms at the thought of buying Halloween cards. For one thing, I hate Halloween. And correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand it the main thrusts of Halloween are dress up in a costume and get a lot of candy that your parents really don't want you to have. Am I right? So why does a holiday based around costumes and candy get cards? Every holiday has cards these days, that's why. Don't ask, just buy the cards. You're a thoughtful person, and thoughtful people send cards. For. Every. Holiday. Known. To. Mankind.
Anyway, back to the Halloween cards. I was reading Halloween cards, trying to find a non-scary, funny to a three-year-old card, and I saw a section, albeit small, but a whole section of "Baby's First Halloween" cards. Now, I've always been suspicious of the whole industry devoted to "Baby's First ______" (Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Christmas, Baby's First Snowstorm, Baby's First Stroller Mishap), but I think I actually snorted out loud in the card store, and then started talking to myself. "Baby's First Halloween? They have got to be kidding me. Who really celebrates Baby's First Halloween? With a card? Who are the people that are buying these cards? They need some help, I think I should start an online support group for them, beause that's really just pathetic."
And then I bought one.
I had a good reason. I wanted to share it with you. I would scan it, except that I was a librarian and would never knowingly trample the copyright laws of this fine country. But here is the sentiment which someone did get paid to write:
Things Continue to Go Downhill
When I went up to the register, Faith, the kindly lady who was waiting on me, said something to the effect of, "Boy, this is going to add up to more than the national debt." I was feeling a little miffed and also thought that perhaps Faith should be given some pointers on making sales, such as don't insult the customer by implying that she is spending way too much money on little bits of paper that are becoming obsolete. However, I was distracted by the following item, which sent me spiraling back into the gloomy place of mourning I had been inhabiting. When I first saw it, I think I gave a little gasp and I got a noticable look of horror on my face. Poor Faith glanced over at me and said, "Is anything wrong, dear?" I just muttered, "No, nothing," to her and wished that I could be anywhere else in the world at that moment.
The horror came from a little pewter ornament (although I think perhaps tchotchke, knickknack, or geegaw is probably more appropriate) with the sentiment "Merry Christmas From Heaven" and a verse:
Google has informed me that there is a semi-well-known poem that I had never encountered entitled "Merry Chirstmas from Heaven", by John Mooney and written in 1989. Perhaps this would seem comforting if my Mom had been dead a few years, but days after the funeral? I was appalled. At least now I know that it's out there. And if some well-meaning but misguided poor sap sends me the poem in one form or another this Christmas, I'll be slightly less horrified.
Amy Returns Home to Lick Her Wounds and Wonder What Went Wrong?
Who knew Hallmark could be so thought provoking? I'll be more careful next time I venture into the card store.
Let's be honest Ame, i don't think that poem could be comforting to you or ANYONE in a million years. Yeeeek!
Posted by: Bec at September 28, 2004 9:37 AMSome people will do anything for a buck, even take advantage of someone's pain.
Yuck. Just.. yuck.