I am not much of a camper. It's not the nocturnal discomforts or the lack of rigorous personal hygiene or the smaller foraging rodents. No, for me it's the spiders and my longstanding deep-seated issues with inadequate and/or public restroom facilities.* I have a nightmare involving toilets almost every week, people. I realize it isn't normal, but I don't know how to make the potties go away! Don't even get me started on Mr. Bobs. I can recall every single second of the last time I was forced to use one, and the scars just won't heal.
However, when faced with adversity, I like to think that I am a let's-make-the-best-of-the-situation type of person. In general, I march through most predicaments, like power outages, miscalculations while traveling, and discarding smelly diapers without inciting riots. When I'm in a situation where I long to relieve my frustrations by creating the Most Powerful Vortex of Improbably Happy Endings (thereby negating the effectiveness of Power Hungry, Negative Aura Wielding Fiendish Trolls), I try to turn everything into some kind of complicated game and win...I mean laugh my way through.
But I'm at a loss. Tomorrow my kitchen floor will be ripped out and my kitchen will then be out of commission for about a week. Normally, no problemo. Who am I to look such a gift horse in the mouth? I mean to say a foolproof reason to not cook and to eat out every single night for an entire week, guilt free? Also, I have A Very High Tolerance for Dirt and Noise. And Contractor Angst.
However, this time I will be trapped in my less-than-functional house with an almost 2-year-old. Limited access to juice, a dishwasher, or the ever popular Thumping Washer Rides.** Limited options for a healthy a.m. repast; no stove for eggs, no microwave for oatmeal, and no toaster for waffles. When I visualize washing the dishes in the bathroom sink upstairs the panic begins to seep in.
*I have never understood the euphemism "restroom". Bathrooms are not restful; the germ filled, aromatic, thick, sodden, swooshing surroundings assaults each of the five senses. Going into an unfamiliar restroom has a lot more to do with organizing a SWAT team than personal refreshment.
**It's probably a mistake to pick up your child and sit them on the running washer or drier while you try to squeeze out a few more minutes to devote to housekeeping chores. Because they will never forget and then each and every single time you go to do some laundry your child will squeal until they are permitted to once again perch on the machine. It makes the laundry take even longer.
Posted by grrlTravels at October 17, 2004 6:14 PM