As part of our home study we were encouraged to go to a day-long session held by the home study agency. Our agency does not require such a class, although some do, and I was reluctant to go. Why sit in a room all day long with a lot of other people we didn't know to hear the stuff I could read about myself or already knew?
Well, I really couldn't have been more wrong. The class was really helpful and encouraging, and the worst thing about it were the folding metal seats that threw my back out for the next 3 days. Other than that, thumbs up. A brief list of things I learned:
**A therapist who specializes in attachment issues with adopted children talked about, well, attachment issues. She said that most of the problems they saw were correctable. Phew. This is one of the things that really worries me. What if we just don't attach, for whatever reason? What if we aren't attaching and I don't know it? Someone made a joke about having an attachment "check-up" just like going to the doctor for the well child visits. Really, it's an idea. The therapist said that it's wise to wait at least 6 months after coming home to let things just settle and your relationships shake out. I feel better! And isn't it just good to know there are professionals out there?
**Some lovely women from the International Adoption Health Program at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia came and gave us good information (some scary and overwhelming, but it's better to know than not know) about medical and developmental issues for children adopted internationally. They have a good program there, and can really help out. Lots of info on infectious diseases, head circumference, fetal alcohol syndrome, and sensory integration problems. Ack, but again, good to know they are there if we need them.
**The panel of parents who have adopted showed up, with three lovely toddlers in tow, one from China. She was just beautiful, and K. and I almost started crying when we saw her. We want our girl!! They had all good things to say, which was encouraging. I wish that there had been some more of the negative stuff, just to make me feel like it was a balanced view. But fun, really fun!
**An adult Korean adoptee came and talked. She was sweet and well adjusted and beautiful. But I left feeling like she was a little TOO WELL ADJUSTED if you know what I mean. She grew up in a small rural town and would not admit to any issues or bad thoughts or feelings. It would have been nice again to have some more of the negative presented. Sort of like, I struggled with this, but I worked it out and I'm a happy person. Ah well, she was a nice girl and it was good to hear her story anyway.
Adoption Update:
So after that, we looked at each other and said, When can we get her??? We have everything ready, but are waiting for that little piece of paper from the INS. The wait time is supposed to be 10 weeks after receipt of the home study and fingerprints. (They won't fingerprint you until they have your home study, so really 10 weeks after your fingerprinting date.) Then I asked someone from one of the agencies (can't recall which) what the wait time was, and they said in PA the document is coming 2-3 weeks after the fingerprinting. So I went and got my hopes up. And it's now 4 weeks and we have no paper, so perhaps in NJ you wait the full 10 weeks. I don't know. All I know is send that paper sooner!
(And when I say we have everything ready, I mean that all of the paperwork is here and notarized and state sealed, but we don't have the 6 pictures of "family life" just yet nor the passport photos, so we should just do that so we aren't running around at the last minute getting passport photos.)
So since we need to have all of the paperwork to the agency by October 15 to get a November DTC date, I guess we are looking at December at the earliest. At least we have heard that the wait time for a referral is down from 9 months to 6 or 7. That's something, at least.
I leave you with some food for thought.
Am I a candidate for culture shock?
Rate yourself on the following with a scale of 1-10.
All of the people at our table hit 100 easily. And I hate to go camping, and not very flexible about time, and don't much like to fail.
Posted by grrlTravels at October 9, 2004 9:15 PMI scored in the low 140s (lowest being camping followed by the laid back, task oriented one), do you think that means i should be a missionary in some faraway 3rd world country??? Just thinkin.
Posted by: Bec at October 12, 2004 1:53 AM