I am officially one of those parents who looks at her son and thinks, "That is one beautiful child. I just cannot get over how exceptionally beautiful he is." Never thought I'd be one of those, but I'm just so in love with him right now.
I'd like to add my own experiences to the bonding discussions going on all around me. I did not bond with E. while he was in utero. My body reacted to the pregnancy as if an alien had implanted its spawn in my uterus for the most part. I had a difficult pregnancy, although I have heard far worse stories than mine.
When he arrived, I still did not bond with him immediately. There is a difference between loving the new baby and bonding with him/her. I did feel love for him immediately. But I did not feel all that bonded to him. The overwhelmingness of being a new parent had a lot to do with the slow bonding for me. I couldn't handle the lack of sleep very well. I wasn't all that functional, certainly not on a level to process anything from the emotional quagmire.
For me bonding has been a long, slow process. And we've gotten there--I feel extremely bonded to him, and he is a very secure and responsive child. So here's my words of encouragement--don't push it. If you don't feel immediately bonded the second you find out you are pregnant/give birth/get your referral/meet your adopted child it's ok. Bonding is a process like everything else in life. It's human nature to want it immediately. But it's ok to just sit back and let it happen.
And now when I call E. "my little buddy" I actually mean it.
Posted by grrlTravels at February 17, 2005 3:24 PM