I am calm; I am jumpy. My stomach clenches in fear; I am at peace. I am patient; I am anxious. I am despairing; I believe. Now. Later. I am happy; I am crazy.
Ah, the waiting. I am hoping for news at the end of this week. I believe that news Thursday or Friday is possible. A poster on the Big List writes that the referrals will not arrive this week. I wonder how she knows, and I want to strangle her for a moment. Leave me to my dreams—it's Monday, let my hope live on for a few more days.
I do not need my referral this month, but I seem to need to know if it is coming this month. There is some subtle difference there. I wish that it didn't matter, that I was calm in the face of this major life change. I am so anxious to meet her, to see her face. I have so much to do, and a few precious days with E. before our lives change and we begin to adjust.
I am one big, crazy paradox. A mother trying to wait patiently for her child.
Update:
The latest rumor is that the referrals will be sent from China on Friday (meaning I am guessing that people will start hearing next Monday). The cutoff for the LID appears to be 12/20/05. If you will recall, our LID is 12/21/05. I'm thinking that we will just begin assuming that our referral will arrive next month. I'm climbing off the merry-go-round for now. If it comes this month, it will be quite a surprise, like my cousin who arrived 3 weeks early yesterday!
I'm anxiously waiting with you and K. Possibly Thursday or Friday . . . hmmmm, I hope that you will call me if it does arrive. I want to hear it from you and live it right along with you!
Posted by: dana at June 20, 2005 4:56 PMRight there with you sister. Only more calm today than last week. It comes and goes. ACK!!!
Posted by: Figlet at June 20, 2005 5:34 PMHere's hoping you find out when you will find out!
I completely understand the feeling!
Posted by: Julie at June 20, 2005 6:03 PMWow, I remember this feeling soooo well. Agonizing! Thrilling! Emotional! You are so close - SO CLOSE - to finding out who your daughter is, whether it's this month or next. It's quite amazing.
Posted by: Brooklyn Mama at June 20, 2005 8:17 PMI knew we would be getting our referral in November...but luckily I was so busy I did not have much time to be anxious! I remember being aggravated I was so freaking busy...but maybe it was a good thing after all? Hope the time passes more quickly for you!
Posted by: Rita at June 20, 2005 9:29 PMI'm thinking and praying for you! I hope it's soon!!!
Posted by: Tamra at June 22, 2005 12:29 AM