What happened to last week? One day it was Monday and then, boom, it's Monday again. We had a week with no appointments and a fun and crazy visit with my sister and her kids.
Today it was back to the grind. We met with the EI team to create our goals and they actually made me come up with some. I was certain beforehand that our "participation" would be nodding cheerfully. But not so. They are recommending 2 visits per week with two different types of therapists. That's all I know.
After the visit I felt sort of depressed and overwhelmed, but they did give me another whole boatload of recommendations and things to try. Which is fine, except that this morning the first thing they did was to quiz us on all of the recommendations from the last meeting and see how we were doing with each one. I felt like I was taking a final exam for which I was unprepared with a number 2 pencil, the point of which I had just broken off. It's not that the recommendations aren't good, because they are. And these women are just trying to help. It's just that fitting them in with 2 kids and all of the other stuff I need to get done in a day feels hopeless sometimes, but then if I don't do this stuff I'm a bad mother to Z. and not taking things seriously enough or trying hard enough. Sigh.
Did I mention that I hate Halloween? It's a personal thing with me—I certainly don't bedrudge the kids their candy, but I hate being trapped in the house to hand it out and I can't get behind a holiday that is all about witches, ghosts, and other creepiness. Plus it turns out that E. has costume-phobia, wherein he screams and pitches a huge fit if we try to dress him up, even as Buzz Lightyear. Who knew? So costume pictures are apparently not forthcoming.
Yeah. Now that we're confessing I have to say I don't much like Halloween either. We get over 100 kids at our house and I'm either stuck handing out candy for three hours or I have to brave the cold and dark with my own kids who are determined to collect 40 pounds of candy even though most of it will mysteriously vanish tomorrow. I liked it better when we still believed that razor blades were being handed out and we all went to the mall for an officially sanctioned party.
Posted by: Sister Carrire at October 31, 2005 5:50 PMI'm sure you'll figure out how to work the suggestions into your routine, but a week isn't an awfully long time to digest and figure out where to begin. Halloween is very festive in these parts but it's a lot harder to be festive when your 14month old has had it. So we now have two full bags of candy left(out of 8). My poor teeth.
Posted by: figlet at October 31, 2005 8:19 PMA first time commenter here (i've been reading for a few weeks now--and I'm someone else who's not much into Halloween, although I ended up having an OK time trailing with some neighbors and the 2-4 year olds on the block). We got plunged into rounds of doctor and therapy visits immediately after coming home with our daughter 2+ years ago and it is overwhelming. In the end, most of the EI services were great support (either for her or for us or both) but it took a while to figure out how to work the system, how to read the therapists, when to speed up, when to slow down. Your descriptions of mix of emotions--sorrow, happiness, wonder, worry, growing love, growing attachment--ring so true to my memories of that time. You're much in my thoughts as you navigate this period in your life...there are so many new routines to be set up as you add a new child. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job balancing all the people and emotions swirling around (even if it probably doesn't always feel like it).
Posted by: Susan at October 31, 2005 8:31 PMAnother 1st time commenter, here. I work in EI, as an SLP, and I juist wanted to tell you NOT to feel guilty over how much time you spend on their suggestions. I tell my families that even 5 minutes twice a day will make a difference. Kids learn in short little bursts throughout the day, so as long as you get a little bit in it totally counts.
And I don't like Halloween, either.
Jamie
I used to like Halloween. When I was a kid.
You are NOT a bad Mom for Z. Bad mom's don't go out of their way seeking help for their child. Things will get easier, the recommendations second nature. Just takes time.
Posted by: cassandra at October 31, 2005 11:58 PMI can soo understand, that you don't like Halloween. Here in Germany, it used to be very popular, but the Boom is over. Thank god. We did not need another commercial holiday here, that is all anbout buying candy and a LOT of merchandising stuff!
Posted by: Katja at November 1, 2005 3:48 AMDon't be so hard on yourself. I agree with Figlet. One week is not enough time to absorb all of this in to your lives.
Posted by: Sparky at November 1, 2005 7:03 AMIt is really overwhelming, and I certainly understand the feeling of hopelessness, but just know that you are doing TERRIFIC. Particularly with two little ones -- if my oldest weren't so much older than Li that he can manage pretty well on his own, I know I'd be dragging way more than you are. Hang in there. You'll get into the routine and it WILL get easier, promise.
Costume phobia. Huh. We had the opposite problem -- Li didn't want to take hers OFF to go to bed. We trick-or-treat down Main Street here, though, at the business that stay open, so it's a LOT easier. And I have an excuse to be gone from the house and not hand out candy. Heh.
Posted by: Jen at November 1, 2005 11:59 AM