It is my birthday. AGAIN! Wasn't it just my birthday like, 2 months ago or so? No? Are you sure? Feels like it.
I had fairly low expectations this year seeing how we have a brand new son and the insomnia is hanging in there and the next vacation is not close enough to feel imminent and it's Easter and all. Did I mention I just got my period? Riiiiiiiiight. Low expectations met. A quiet birthday it has been.
Yesterday we bought E. and K. new bikes and we took a short walk, as much as I could manage with the cramps and gore. Today we had brunch and I took a nap. Not scintillating. K. has worked hard to make things nice but there is only so much he can do. He does get an A for effort. And I love him. Which is more important than the rest.
And now I am 42. I feel 42 and 22 simultaneously today. I can't imagine that in 2 months it will be 20 years since I graduated from college. Forty-two. Both of my grandmothers had children in their 40s and I find comfort in the thought. I am an older mother, but I am not too old. I must get to the gynecologist and have that mammogram. My self care all but evaporated when Z. arrived. It was all so overwhelming, so confusing, so consuming. It is time to grab control back. 42 seems like a good time. Time to take care of myself. Time to get serious about exercising. Time to care for the kids by caring for myself. I believe 100% that one of the best ways to show your special ones that you love them is to care for yourself in a serious, rational way. I know there isn't much time, or enough money, and the older you get the scarier it gets. But what is more important than modeling loving yourself to your children?
I hope this year holds more love, deeper positive relationships, exciting creative challenges, opportunities to learn about myself and this crazy world, and an ever deepening commitment to K. I wish the same for you. If I could (and I'll tell you right now that there is no way!) I'd invite each of you who have supported me and shared with me and listened to me over for cake and I'd give you a little gift on my special day.
When it comes down to it I'm deeply grateful for this life I have. Happy birthday to me indeed.
Happy Birthday to you! 42 is the new 22! I hope your birthday allows for lots of sleep.
Blessings,
StacyG
in Tampa
Love this post. Happy birthday to you! Yes, yes, and more yes, take control and ramp up the self care. May year 42 be the best year ever. I've been thinking about you all day long. Love you, girl!
Posted by: Shelba at March 23, 2008 7:19 PMHappy Birthday!
Posted by: Lisa at March 23, 2008 7:46 PMHappy Birthday.
42 is a great age to be a mom to young ones!
Posted by: Julia at March 23, 2008 8:13 PMHappy Birthday You! I hope this is a great year. 42 was great for me. I don't know that I have been as happy as I was in my 42nd year. I hope that is the case for you too.
"Time to care for the kids by caring for myself"
I love this. I think I may have it etched into my bathroom mirror.
Posted by: Tracie at March 23, 2008 8:21 PMHappy Birthday Sweetie.
Posted by: Debberoo at March 23, 2008 8:30 PMHappy, happy birthday baby! It's a kick to be twice 21 ... to be somebody's retro. Hope your year is filled with everything you want and more.
Posted by: mama d at March 23, 2008 8:44 PMHappy Birthday Amy. I am digging my forties and I hope you do too. As far as having us over for cake, I will go and sneak into the kitchen and grab myself a slice of the half eaten, egg shaped cake in our fridge. I will eat it in your honor.
Posted by: Sparky at March 23, 2008 8:57 PMHappy birthday! Wishing you a wonderful year.
Glad you're helping me look forward to my 40s.
Posted by: PinkDevora at March 23, 2008 10:08 PMHappy birthday! I hope 42 is a good year. And as for being an older mother, I rather be that than being a grandmother, which mine was at my ripe old age of 40!
Posted by: wkn at March 23, 2008 10:32 PMHappy birthday! 42 is the answer to the universe, right? And 4 times 2 is 8, and this is 2008, and 8 is a lucky number.
Posted by: Sister Carrie at March 24, 2008 1:01 AMI'm actually digging the 40's so far, parenting a little one and all. So I take it you all will be going to the reunion this May???? Leila and I will be there:) 20 years, wow!
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday Amy!
Posted by: carosgram at March 24, 2008 2:18 PMGreat post-happy birthday! I continue to shadow you, as I will be 42 in 6 weeks-and hey, I just started with my first child this year ; )
I love being in my 40s, but I have definitely become more conscious of self care as an older mom (except for the rock climbing yesterday-need to work on the mortality concept...) ~lmc
Well I'm a day late as always, but happy birthday! I took the day off to celebrate the occasion....yeah, that's it.
Supposedly I have my 20 year reunion this year, too, but I'm sure that's some kind of clerical error. I can't possibly be old enough to have graduated that long ago. That's just all those little old ladies with the matching hats at reunion, right? Right?!
Posted by: Jeanne at March 25, 2008 11:23 AMHappy birthday! 42 doesn't sound old at all!
And yes, GO SQUISH YOUR BREASTS!
Happy Belated Birthday!!!
Posted by: Judy at March 25, 2008 10:37 PMHappy Belated Birthday! You share it with my mom, and probably some '80's television star.
I loved the post about your pants, btw. I did that with my shirt. And once (ok, maybe twice) my dh and I went over a week without showering.
Your friendly post resonated with me, too. You can see I'm condensing all my comments together. Although our younger son clung to me, he also was (and still can be) indiscriminately friendly with EVERYONE. Older son wouldn't look at me for many months, unless he thought I wasn't looking at him. H is older than your R, but I was relieved after I read the "eye contact" chapter in Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control (mimiboo talks eloquently about this book). I stopped obsessing about it, and worked around it. He preferred me touching him with his back to me at first, and then he would bury his head in my chest, lap, a pillow, whatever, as he got more affectionate. It is almost 11 months later, and we are finally looking into one another's eyes. He is still self-conscious about it. The thing that helped the most was my voice, I think. I like to sing and read aloud, so I focused on these strengths, and it helped him want to be with me, pay attention to and hug me.
I know these are two wildly different situations, but I thought I'd share my own challenges.
Much luck, and you're right about showing love for yourself as a good model for your kids. You can't love anyone else until you love yourself, which I am FINALLY learning.
Posted by: Erin O' at March 29, 2008 9:28 PM