September 9, 2008
Today is the first day of the rest of your blog
As far as I can tell, comments are back on. They might be, they might not be. As has been my entire summer. Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. No. Maybe. YES. NO! MAYBE!
They keep removing her from the room, sending her off with the speech therapist. Which calms Z. down, but doesn't seem to me to be getting us anywhere. Perhaps it is. But today my child was roaming the halls with the speech therapist, visiting all of the other classes (including E.'s) and the nurse. Hmmmm. Gosh. I suddenly have visions of my kid with a big bow in her hair and empty eyes roaming the halls of the K-2 school 10 years from now... Anyway, we shan't go there yet.
So. Personally I have not given up. I don't want you to think I have. I do worry that Z. is causing so much trouble that the teachers can't teach, and we can't have that. But seriously, it's only been 3 days and I told them over and over and over that this was going to be tough with her.
So. Z. Doesn't like school. At all. I'm not letting on that I am trying desperately to not take responsibility for all of this. The what ifs, I am drowning under the what ifs. What if I had...taken her to Gymboree / left her with a babysitter more / forced her into some kind of activity with her peers / left her more / done something or everything differently, then would this be better? [Don't answer that. It's rhetorical. Obviously things would be better now if I had done those things. But would they have been better then?] I'm working on letting it go. Parenting Z. is a challenge and I am doing the best I can. Clearly I look like a crazy overprotective freak today. But will I look like that 5 years from now? That is the question I for one am focusing on. Especially every day when I drop her off and pick her up and I get the reports.
So. Baby Bird refuses to fly. But fly she must. Only 177 more days to go!
Z. on the first day of school, not standing in line
I didn't comment yesterday because I didn't know if you'd get it. Anyway.
I hope Z can become more accustomed to the routine at school and hopefully her teachers are patient and kind. I'm sure it must be hard for you as her mother.
How are you feeling? I can't imagine how you scared you must have been with your diagnosis. Sending you healing thoughts.
So about that tattoo....
Posted by: Wendy at September 9, 2008 5:41 PMAwww, Z. Poor baby, poor mama. Would they let you stay with her a few days? Or do they see that as counterproductive?
Posted by: Her Grace at September 9, 2008 6:27 PMA repeat of the lost comment:
People say I'm a screamer, but I'm not the only one.
Hooray for first days and second days and all the rest that you're going to make it through. Hooray for anniversaries (which are always bittersweet ... all of them ... I'm convinced). Hooray for you back blogging.
Hugs for all your summer wasn't and all that it was.
The tattoo, please. Please show the tattoo!
Posted by: mama d at September 9, 2008 8:28 PMAnd here I've been commenting and commenting all to no avail. sigh.
Now that I can comment I don't have anything to say right now.
I miss you.
Posted by: joybucket at September 9, 2008 8:30 PMI've missed your blog so much, thanks for coming back! -- I think alot of us here missed your posts and photos these past few months.
How terribly scary that diagnosis must have been for you -- you are very brave to talk about it and post a photo.
What an sweetheart your Z is. She'll prevail, I'm sure of it, but it must be so hard to see her cry. You're a great mom.
Best, Eli,
LID 2.17.06
Of course it's strange and new to her. I hate that even in preschool there is pressure to perform at a certain level.
I would try to go to school with her for a few days. It won't make things any easier. But I always like to know the routine so I can support it at home -- "Now we wash our hands, just like you do at school before snack." Kids are so lousy at reporting what happens at school -- even older kids -- and I like to see for myself.
Schools have a really hard time with kids who are different. Sigh.
Posted by: Sister Carrie at September 10, 2008 1:06 AMI know - different kids - but my E refused to fly when we first left her (with her aunt! at home!). This week, after 12 months with her wonderful people in the 2-3 yo group at nursery, she's spent two days with the 3-4 group and has been quietly freaking out. Refused to go through the door.
She too refuses to stand in line even now. At birthday parties when the other kids sit in a circle for games? E is up and running around the room. She has her own tune to dance to.
I know we don't face the same challenges as you do with the lovely Z, but it is early days and you are a brilliant mama. She'll find her way.
Your kids grew a lot over the summer. It sounds like you all did. Good luck with school. I am sending some new school days juju your way.
I am so glad you are back. I have missed you.
Posted by: Tracie at September 10, 2008 8:11 AMI'm glad you are back and what a horrible summer. Thanks for coming back online.
Don't beat yourself up over Z and school. You are a great mum and done so much for her, altho' I know there is so far to go - do remind yourself of that.
She dances as Jo says to a different tune. She'll get the hang of it I'm sure. Just look at the difference in those photos.
Posted by: 3cmum at September 10, 2008 8:12 AMAm glad you're back too -- have been checking all summer long.
Sending some good thoughts and wishes your way. Those transitions to school and preschool are tough -- am sorry that Z is having a hard time right now.
Posted by: Janet at September 10, 2008 10:18 AMMy daughter went kicking and screaming to preschool when she was 2.5. It took her several weeks to adjust. You are not a crazy overprotective freak. It might help if you could stay for a few days, encouraging Z to interact but being there if she needs you. Can the speech therapist keep her in the room to calm down rather than walking the hallways and also start to help build the trusting relationship with the teachers? Is there an empathetic kid in the class who could start to connect with Z? It's all about feeling safe and secure, and eventually realizing that it's fun. She'll get there, and your instincts are most likely right that she wasn't ready for this kind of thing until now. It looks to me like Z has come a long way.
Posted by: Donna at September 10, 2008 10:55 AMOperation BBIRTF will eventually work. She has to find the way that is comfortable with her. When we switched daycares, Luna was 15 months old and REFUSED to let us go. She carried a laminated photo of daddy with her everywhere. She talked to daddy (ie the photo) all day and then cried when we got her and wouldn't let us go.
Each child will find their own way to let go and touch the sky. It just may take Z a little longer to let go of you.
As long as the school works with you....
Hugs on everything. I am glad you got your break...
Posted by: Spacemom at September 10, 2008 1:59 PMI am so glad that yesterday was a better day for poor little Z! I feel like my whole life has changed now that Q is in school. It kind of runs my day but I know that it's so good for him. I kind of thought that E & J would miss him more than they do. J is quite excited though when I tell him that it's time to go and get him.
Love the pictures!
Posted by: heather at September 11, 2008 2:27 PMWelcome Back! You've been missed. :-)
The cancer thing sounds scary - would have freaked me out too. Glad it's gone now.
Z is looking so good, so cute, so beyond adorable I don't know how you stand it! Seriously. Sounds like E is rocking Kindergarten, hopefully Z will soon realize that preschool is actually kind of fun. Roaming the halls may actually be a good start - help make the whole place feel safer to her and less like someplace strange and scary.
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