grrlTravels

y. o. u. r. o. c. k.

As it turns out my peeps on the internets are much smarter than I am. (Which of course I already knew.) The meeting went well. (As well as could be expected, really.) I worried too much and I fussed too much and I was a big anxiety-ridden goofball of a mother. It's all good. (I already know I'm a goofball.)

K. and I talked beforehand, I scribbled down some goals for Z., and we went to the meeting. When I say we I mean K., Z., R., and I went to the meeting. I'm sure they were thrilled to see the kids with us, but it helped me to have Z. in the room with us even though she wasn't supposed to be there.

We signed the attendance sheet and everyone reviewed their reports. This took a long time, too long as it turns out. But they were trying to be thorough and also explain to us the testing and what happened during testing and how they felt Z. did and why and if the tests were reflective of her true abilities. (No. And yes.) We got some good insights. After a long time we got to the point where it was time to state whether Z. was eligible for services or not.

Everyone got a little uncomfortable and started looking at each other. (Not me—I was clueless.) Then they started blabbing on and on and on about the classifications and how she fit into a bunch of different ones and how they all met and talked a lot about where she fit best and slowly it dawned on me that it was going to be bad news. Yep. They reluctantly dropped her classification into the big silence that had opened up and I immediately started crying.

Sigh. I knew that it was likely I would cry at some point during the meeting since I am in fact a crier, but I really didn't want to. I did a lot of yoga breathing before and during the meeting trying to stay calm and focused. I think I need some more work on diaphragmatic breathing. I did a lot of thinking and preparing emotionally for what *could* happen, imagining scenarios and my reactions to them. I think I need some practice with visualization techniques. I looked at Z. a lot, reminding myself that this was for her and thinking about how much I love her. Whatever. I cried and everyone looked uncomfortable and they all started telling me why it was a good classification and how it was to help her and that everything was going to be ok and that Z. could totally be one of those kids who become unclassified at some point, a real success story. Then K. jumped in and told some big long story about nothing, trying to get everyone to laugh.

I knew they were right. I appreciated their concern and kindnesses. I knew immediately why they had given Z. that classification and how they were trying to help her get all of the services she needs and I knew they knew it was going to hurt me. And it did. Hurt me.

It took me a while (too long) to compose myself and by the time I was able to focus again they had begun racing through the accommodations that were recommended for Z. which of course were more interesting to me since we had read all of the reports prior to the meeting. They apologized, said they had another appointment waiting, handed us the papers and told us we had 15 days to review and sign them. Everyone loves Z. they told us, she is so sweet. K. made a little speech about how thankful we were for their hard work and concern for Z. and how well she was doing and how we knew that was due to them (thank goodness because I was in no place to do it). I nodded and smiled and grabbed up my kids and got the heck out of there.

So it was good, and they've offered Z. an aide (which is what we think she needs) and they were necessarily vague because the budgets have all been cut statewide and no one really knows what's going to happen next year and we all agreed that we will just need to wait and see how she does. They also finally gave her a PT eval but the report wasn't ready for the meeting so we don't know the result of that yet. That was something I had decided not to fight for after conversations with many people who told me that they will not give her PT unless she can't function in the classroom, so that was a nice surprise. We all agreed a few different times that Z. is an enigma, which she is. I left distrusting the administrators even more, but really liking Z.'s team.

It was a good meeting with good people and I think we have a reasonable plan. Whether it will work is anyone's guess right now. It's possible it will work I think, so I'm willing to wait and see. I need to spend some time thinking about why I got so anxious and what this all is triggering in me and how I can do better next time. I need to decide if we want to send her to extended school year. I need to review the recommendations although I have nothing to compare them to so I think they will need to be a work in progress, at least for me. Still a lot to do, but a good start.

And. You. Rock.

Posted by grrlTravels at May 21, 2010 7:39 PM