grrlTravels

That's so tough. I have nothing helpful to offer but I've got to say, one ear or two ears, he looks like a gorgeous little guy and I'm sorry he's feeling sad about his ears.

Poor sweety. I can't get a good look at it but it looks like microotia, yes? Does he have an external auditory canal on that side? They do some amazing things with reconstructive surgery these days and ears can be fully developed by age 4. Might be worth showing it to a good reconstructive (plastic) surgeon and get recs.

Is he in preschool or a daycare? He may have been subject to some teasing from other kids...I know that the dotter first became insistent that brown skin was "bad" about that time. All I can say is that we reinforced that skin comes in different tones, that we thought she had beautiful skin, and that brown skin wasn't "bad" for many years, and she seems to have become very comfy in her own skin by this age (8).

I hope others have some more valuable advice. :-( Tell him there are a bunch of Internet Aunties who think he's adorable and gorgeous.

Don't know if you're familiar with the following site. They talk a lot about difference. Their experiences, their kids experiences and responding to others reactions to difference. I've become more aware and more sensitive from reading the blog.

http://nohandscurrentinfo.blogspot.com/

You know, I don't know if you're into Disney at all, or if he's old enough for Finding Nemo, but Nemo has one big fin and one little fin...would it help him to see that? And his little fin becomes his "lucky" fin.

Any chance of plastic surgery to give him the appearance of another ear?

If it were me, I would avoid using the word special and focus on how we are all different. I have ectrodactyly in both hands and now belong to a support group for parents of children with similar, and my experience is that it is most important to develop your sense of self as being normal but different, rather than special. The greatest gift my parents gave me was that certainty of normality, despite the feedback I sometimes got from others.

And high school, surprisingly, was not that bad-and I was in the 80s. I struggled with self esteem and fitting in like everyone else, but experiences involving my hands were minimal. Not that everything was easy, but it was never awful. ~lmc

This website has a few good resources for parents. There are a few suggestions for kids books too, but I'm not sure if they're exactly right. http://www.plasticsurgery4u.com/web_links_folder/barnes_noble_difference2.html

There is a sesame street book called "we're different we're the same":

http://www.amazon.com/Were-Different-Sesame-Street-Pictureback/dp/0679832270/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278211083&sr=1-1

very age appropraite for him to understand.

also, assuming he has micotia, can he have surgery around age 5 or 6 years to correct?

R. has been to the ENT but his doctor told us that they do not recommend doing any imaging until he is 5 or 6, so we don't know if he can hear on the left side or not. Sometimes the internal structures are intact and working, sometimes not, and we don't know. The doctor also said that they grade the surgery on a scale of 0-100 and unless the grade is 90 or above they oftentimes do not recommend surgery to create a canal. I had no idea, but apparently there is a lot of maintenance when one creates a canal surgically. Plastic surgery is definitely an option as is a prosthetic. We will not make that choice until R. is old enough to be involved in the decision making process.

Do you think this is one of these times it is just ok to agree with him? I guess I would not try and convince him not to want 2 ears because that sounds too much like trying to paint over his feelings with a silver lining. I am not suggesting wallowing with him, but just in accepting his grief and his desire for what it is. I would also rely on facts. I would not call it "little ear." I would use the medical term even if it is hard to say. I think arming kids with the facts help them be prepared to deal with the emotion. I do not know much about parenting. I am still learning. What I tell my kids is to remember the truth. When someone says something you do not like, you remember what the truth is. And the truth is he has a medical condition. It does not say anything about his person and should not be used to define him. Hopefully he will learn, remember and feel that.

I got nothing - it just made me incredibly sad for poor little R. Parenting is just hard, isn't it?! Love you.