June 14, 2010
tock
Things got bad enough a few weeks ago that I was forced to take desperate measures. I decided with great reluctance to write down every single thing I did all day long to figure out where the time was going.
Ten days was all I could take. Here's what I found out: I cook, do dishes, pick up, shuffle the children, do laundry, fold clothes, work, and exercise. My life seems terribly dull. There's nothing on the list I can remove. The fact that the list even exists lends a terrible fatigue.
It was a pathetic end to a pathetic idea. There were no extra hours lurking behind the trips to school or the grocery store, the piles of sweet smelling clothes or magazines waiting to be read. The elusive hour did not reveal itself. I longed for a pair of x-ray glasses.
I know there are other people out there struggling alongside me. I know my therapist believes that one must nurture oneself. I know that to get one must give. I know going to bed at 9:30 doesn't help anything including the alarm at 6:10. I know all of this. And yet my sewing machine has fluff on the needle and don't even mention books to me or I shall laugh directly in your eye.
There is the faint hope of summer and a need to be patient. That is all.
Posted by grrlTravels at June 14, 2010 8:17 PM