Hao Si Mao

Mao-Mao is such a sweet little guy. He has done amazingly well on our trip and I feel proud of him.

The grieving was not as intense or as devastating as I had feared. M-M's grieving was intermittent, not sustained; ditto for his sleep issues; ditto for the 100 niggly other little things you worry about as a new adoptive parent: pooping, communicating, bonding, eating, attaching, playing. We went up and down and up down with him, but there was more up than I had anticipated.

He was quite spoiled by the foster parents and there are some behavioral issues which will need to be tackled quite soon after we return home. He can throw a loud crying fit with the best of them, and he uses his fits frequently to express his needs and wants. He has very few boundaries, does not seem to understand limits. He throws his food around with wild abandon as he eats and tosses his plate on the floor when he is finished. His foster parents told us he ruled the dinner table and the entire family catered to him, eating in shifts around his demands.

M-M seems quick and intuitive. We show him something twice and he is ready to try it. He has four signs already which he uses unprompted: eat, more, please, and thank you. (Food is very motivating for M-M. VERY. Motivating.) He is curious and interested, friendly and silly.

He is still mostly attached to K. which has made the transition for Z. a bit easier and the transition with E. a bit harder. (E. tells me today that sometimes he thinks about M-M getting hurt or in trouble, Z. getting hurt or in trouble, and he likes thinking about that. I tell him that we are all adjusting and it will take some time. He can think those things right now if he needs to, and soon we will all be less tired and feel better.) He cries when K. leaves the room and wants to be held all of the time. He is still quite jealous of the other children and pushes, hits, slaps and bites on occasion to get them away from him or K. It has been hard on K. as it is hard on anyone when someone demands comfort and attention 24/7. We are taking it all one day at a time.

Mao-Mao. Ren-Ren. The rest of us are heading home, but M-M is heading to a completely strange environment where everything is new and nothing is familiar. I feel for him. I long for the day when our home is home to him, our family is his family, our love is accepted and returned. And I long for the day when we get to know the real Mao-Mao. There is a fabulous little boy waiting to blossom.

Thank you, People's Republic of China. Thank you, CCAA. Thank you, loving foster parents. We will do our best to honor the promises we made to you, and raise a caring, productive, happy little guy.

Guangzhou, Day 3: Shopping

With a completely free day on Friday we headed out early to another park. It was lovely and warm and we wandered around taking in the sights. Afterwards we headed to the Jade Market and the surrounding stalls of cheap jewelry and antiques to hunt for souvenirs and gifts. We were rather less successful this time around and had to scramble for a few small gifts at the end.

I felt tired and unhappy. The kids were fussy. The shopping was lousy. I didn't make it to several places I had wanted to go very much. We didn't make it to shoes or fabric or embroideries. I simultaneously did not want to leave and wanted to get home very badly. I dreaded both the packing and the flights. I realized sadly that this might very well be my last time ever in Guangzhou. I felt sad and discouraged. We ate an uninspiring dinner and headed back to the room.

As if the kids sensed everything we had a lousy night. E. was restless and rolled around kicking me over and over. Mao-Mao woke up and screamed for two hours straight again. Z. rocked silently. In the morning we missed our wakeup call (or it never happened) and we woke up late to scramble around the room. And we headed to the airport.

It had been a long trip. We were heading for home.

Guangzhou, Day 2: Oath

Our consulate appointment was scheduled for today so our facilitator Sissi headed off first thing in the morning and we hung around in the hotel room. She called to let us know everything had gone off without a hitch and that surprisingly we were going to get Mao-Mao's visa for the US later that same day.

We wandered around Shamain Island for a bit, bought some large paper cuts, had a lunch that was too late, and rushed back to the hotel and right on to the bus.

The consulate office building

There were only 4 families scheduled for visas on Thursday and three on Friday so we were all combined and took our oath together on Thursday. We had to hang around quite a bit waiting for...something. Finally the officer came out and chatted us up, administered the oath, and handed out the passports. There was a problem with one of the families (I-171) and they were not given a visa(!) but the rest of us headed quickly back out to the bus.

The oath makes me cry. It's silly and I know it and I really shouldn't cry since all we swear is that we haven't lied on any of the paperwork. Still, it feels official and it's the last step before heading home. I was a bit weepy. E. raised his right hand right along with us and took the oath too.

Thursday was also the day of the Lantern Festival, signifying the end of the spring festival, so we rushed right out to an early dinner. I had been looking forward to the Lantern Festival for weeks, and warm, green Guangzhou seemed a lovely place to celebrate it.

I've got to admit it was a bit of a disappointment. I think my expectations were too high. I had envisioned a magical scene at dusk with children parading around with lanterns on sticks and parents laughingly following. There WERE red lanterns. But the scene in the park in Guangzhou resembled nothing so much as an enormous tacky Christmas display.

We walked into the park and there were giant "lantern" displays scattered about. Lots of Mickey Mouse since this is the year of the mouse. (The character/word for mouse and rat are the same in Chinese. Our guide emphatically called this the year of the mouse. I kept saying rat, because in the US almost everyone calls it the Year of the Rat. Anyway, Mickey.) Lots of Mickey. Also the five Olympic characters made a strong showing. (They are EVERYWHERE in China right now. The Olympics are a huge deal. We loaded up on Olympic themed goods, so we are ready for August.) And some more traditional Chinese items like fish, dragons, and lanterns.

The mood was festive. The park was crowded as things tend to be in China and it was hard to move. There was to be a concert with singing and dancing. It was a big, bright party. But it was not beautiful or contemplative or lovely. It was loud, crowded, smoky and a tiny bit obnoxious (in a good way). Like so much of the trip it wasn't what I thought it would be. Which didn't make it bad, but did leave me a bit disappointed. I still crave my magical fairyland of lanterns lighting up the night. Perhaps one day I shall have them.

Guangzhou, Day 1: Medical exam

The medical exam is scheduled for our first full day in Guangzhou. We go at 10 and get right in and out. Mao-Mao's hearing test is a little wonky but of course he passes and he should—thankfully he is a very healthy boy.

[He weighs 22 pounds fully clothed. We had been told he was 24 pounds before we left the US and I brought 18-24 months clothing. He swims in all of it. Should have brought the 12-18 stuff that I bought.]

Afterwards we spend as much time outside as possible in the glorious Guangdong weather. We let the kids run around at the playground, do the paperwork sitting by the Pearl River, visit the beautiful botanical gardens, and walk down the pedestrian shopping street. E. is practicing to be the next Andrew Zimmern, eating fishballs, a tiny 3-inch baby bird, and a seahorse. I try to keep up with him but he is leaving me in the dust. It's sappy, I know, but I love the White Swan, Shamian Island, and Guangzhou. After the dry cold brownness of Inner Mongolia Guangzhou seems like an oasis of warmth. It's so green! There are palm trees! And flowers! I want to stay forever.

[As some of you have suggested, Z. has been a tad competitive with Mao-Mao and since M-M loves to eat, Z. has been an eating machine. For Z. Which means she has willing put more food in her mouth in the past 5 days than the rest of the past 2 years. She willingly ate noodles at dinner. All by herself. Sometimes competition is a good thing.]

He did very well...


...and then he didn't.


3 in the stroller


The best family shot we have (which isn't saying much)


Baby birds on a stick


Mao-Mao eats a fish ball (followed shortly thereafter by some dried cuttlefish)

(This is my first time on the computer in 4 days. I am not checking email. I am tired and overwhelmed and busy and happy and traveling and packing and unpacking and eating and walking. I am not on the computer, though. K. and I don't share well when it comes to having one computer.)

Hohhot, Day 6: Goodbye to Hohhot

On our last day in Hohhot we dash around: visiting a temple, playing on the ice, having a long lunch, and eating noodles in lamb broth for dinner. Tomorrow we leave, spending the day packing and traveling to Guangzhou. Suddenly it feels like our trip to China is almost over.

E.'s magic golden hair attracts a crowd


We go skating (and bike riding) even though I have taken a solemn vow not to


Mao-Mao is a very good napper


Everyone is happy after we eat lunch

Hohhot, Day 5: He is happy and sad

The trip on Sunday to see the children's home and the foster parents was good, and draining, just like we expected it would be. We arrived at the children's home around 11. There are 10 young children living on each floor with an office/living room on the third floor. We spent some time with the babies, holding them and visiting a bit with the nannies. Mao-Mao seemed fine, if a little clingy with K. He lived at the home for 5 months and then went to live with the foster parents for 10 months.

The foster parents were waiting on the third floor for us. We walked up the stairs and our facilitator told Mao-Mao in Chinese that we were going to see his foster parents. We opened the door and walked in.

Everyone cried. The foster mother and father and sister cried. We cried. Mao-Mao looked very confused for a good minute, realized what was going on, and began to wail. That made everyone cry more. E. and Z. looked scared and Z. cried a bit. Mao-Mao wailed and wailed. We all stood around feeling uncomfortable and nervous.

After Mao-Mao settled down we had a good chat with the foster parents and learned a lot more about Mao-Mao. Mostly things about his schedule and personality. We asked questions and said thank you a lot, said we can tell he really loves you and thank you so much for caring for him, thank you, thank you, thank you. They gave us a silver necklace for Mao-Mao, a traditional baby gift for a boy. We gave them our gifts. They asked for our address. We told them it was in the letter we gave them.

We invited them to lunch. We all crawled through a fence to cross the street to go to the restaurant. Everyone relaxed a bit. Mao-Mao did a whole bunch of tricks for us like blinking his eyes and waving and dancing. He smiled a lot and laughed and said his words. Of course he ate a bunch at lunch, and they told us that he was the king of the house and especially the dinner table. That wasn't news, but a lot of what we saw was brand new, a peek into his personality. So special.

Finally lunch was over. We went downstairs and the crying resumed. The foster mom and sister said goodbye and we all cried again, Mao-Mao most of all. We climbed in the van with the foster father to go and visit his finding place. We waved goodbye to the foster mom and drove away. The foster dad comforted Mao-Mao. I sniffled.

We got to his finding place. Standing in the spot where your child's first mother left him to be found by strangers is always hard on me. We took photos and some video and I felt profoundly sad and cried by myself for a few moments.

And then we left. We drove out to the highway and traveling along a bit before dropping the foster day off by the side of the road near his house. More tears from everyone.

The foster dad told us a lot of good information, the saddest thing being that the foster parents had wanted very much to adopt Mao-Mao but the rest of the family was against it, saying that they were too old to adopt. They had still been on the fence about it when the paperwork was sent to the CCAA and it was too late.

After we returned to the hotel Mao-Mao surprisingly seemed more settled and content. We had been told this might happen but after the rollercoaster day we didn't expect it. He smiled more and settled in with K. Things were good. Until we went to bed.

Mao-Mao went to sleep for a couple of hours and then woke up and screamed for 2 hours straight. Passed out. Woke up. Cried. Passed out. Woke up. Cried. Passed out. It was a long night. A very, very long night.

Even with the long night, we know how very lucky we are. Lucky to have met them, lucky to have their contact information, lucky to know for sure how very much they loved him.

Babies in the Baotou children's home


Meeting the foster parents


At lunch we learn why Mao-Mao was able to open K.'s cell phone with no hesitation

Hohhot, Days 3 and 4: Miscellany

1. I am hoping that I remembering correctly that day 2 is the worst of the grieving and things go relatively uphill from there. I believe someone told me that. If not please don't feel the need to correct me. Yesterday was a long, sad, wearing day and I hope the days continue to get better starting with today.
2. Mao-Mao has chosen to bond to K. Strongly. From the first moment. I have had bits of sadness here and there, but I am busy with the two others and I don't have much time for moping. He has let me touch him and feed him and hold him and that is enough. We are not pushing it right now, just a bit here and there when he is in a good mood.
3. Mao-Mao was fed 5 7-ounce bottles of formula per day and as well as all three meals. He wants to eat CONSTANTLY. It is charming and a teensy bit horrifying. He can be pacified quickly with cheerios or goldfish crackers and that has been helpful. We do think he is stress eating right now as well, using food as a coping mechanism, and who hasn't been there? But holy cow. And I do mean holy.
4. I have not been shooting much. It seems that dragging three children around Inner Mongolia in the middle of winter is enough for me. We have been shopping for necessities (yogurt, warm pants and hats), visiting the museum, shopping for non-necessities, and eating. Each outing requires much prior planning and bundling and we are always late. China is not stroller friendly, but we can't tote the three without a stroller. Thus there are a dearth of photos. I need to try harder, but we are so busy! Busy really doesn't begin to describe it.
5. I am trying to refrain from posting my arty fartsy photos, of which there are some, but the photo below of the stuffed wolf must be shared. Turns out that Hohhot and perhaps all of Inner Mongolia is a hotbed of taxidermy. Bet you didn't know that. All of the animals in the lovely, large museum were real stuffed animals. Horses, birds, camels, dogs—all once living and breathing. There is taxidermy EVERYWHERE. Even at the cashmere factory store.
6. There aren't many photos of the three children together. This is because the three children do not like each other all that much right now. Mao-Mao is extremely jealous of K. and when E. sits on K.'s lap Mao-Mao claws at him. Z. is retreating and clinging to me as much as possible. Mao-Mao wants nothing to do with the children. The children want nothing to do with Mao-Mao. So much for the kids helping him to adjust to the family.
7. Most of the territorial struggles have been confined to the stroller thus far. Well, the stroller and K.'s lap, but mostly the stroller. If someone sits in someone else's usual seat all hell breaks lose. It is fascinating to watch if you aren't actually living it at the same time.
8. Tomorrow we go to the children's home (not the SWI) to see Mao-Mao's caretakers and foster parents. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it, seeing how rough the last few days have been. But I know how important it is and so we are going. 2 1/2 hours one way in the car. Mao-Mao falls asleep every time we get in a taxi so I'm not so worried about the trip. Just that I hate long car rides, and it IS all about me, right? Perhaps no post tomorrow, but we will let you know how it goes eventually when we have recovered.
9. Debs, I will tell you what it is like to be a mother of three once I figure it out. Right now I am mothering 2 1/4 and with the disorientation and the jet lag I don't even know my own name, much less what the mothering is like. Or perhaps I am deep denial. <wink>

This was posed. So posed.


The boys get in more bonding.


He has a price tag on his tongue. Enough said.


A few more smiles right after lunch today.